Talking to myself

One of the things I enjoy about blogging is the opportunity to think about topics in a comprehensive way. As I write, I try on different attitudes until I figure out which one belongs to me.

If you have read my blog for a while, you might think I am sentimental and mushy. But that's probably not the first, second, third or fourth impression you would get from actually being around me. I am blunt and no-nonsense. I like to think I am practical. I don't cry at weddings or births, just a little at funerals and when I'm really tired or watching the sweet or sad part of a favorite movie.

I write to share what I have seen and who I am, with "who I am" still evolving. (And I am learning, from comments on some posts, that what I thought I saw is disputable.)

While writing, I keep in mind that my friends read this blog. My children read it. My husband reads it. My parents read it. So there are some things I will never write about. I will puzzle out those areas on my own. Then there are the often funny things friends and family do, my boys especially. Yet if I told those stories, they would probably have to hurt me. They aren't little children who won't notice being used for laughs. What you read on this blog is a small piece of my whole.

What writing has done for me is reinforce the need to be skeptical when reading another person's thoughts or opinions, when studying history. You can't just read a headline and get the gist of it. You have to read the whole article, then read what someone else said and what another's opinion is....

Thinking about how we conduct ourselves, if you're like me, there are some things you only discuss with girlfriends, some things you only share with your spouse, some things you only share with one child or another. Yet to know me, you would need to know the whole. Even I, blind to some aspects of my personality, can't tell you why I've said or done some things. My actions would best be interpreted in context, using all the resources of those who know me, some time after the dust settled, hopefully with benefit of the doubt.

Our current political environment is filled with just the opposite approach. People want to take one sentence, out of context, and interpret it using only the mindset of their singular observation, or even worse, using the biased observations of others. There is no thoughtfulness, no study. How ridiculous! (How lazy!)

So read my little rant here as a gentle reminder to think before you speak and consider you may not know it all. Open your mind and take some time to consider. There are many mostly true sides to every story. Sometimes there is no truth at all.

In my own mind I am a warrior, fearless and tough, maybe just a little bit soft, maybe more soft than I want to admit. Check around and then take my word for it.

Reflections

Anticipating my thoughts at the end of December, I believe I will look back on 2010 and consider the first couple of weeks of June one of the best times, if not the best time, of my life. So far.

I received my colon cancer diagnosis on Tuesday, June 1. Ricky, out of school for the summer, was with me. The next day we were able to meet with the surgeon and schedule my surgery for Friday afternoon, June 4.

The three days in between were busy, telling my children and parents, getting work and home squared away. There was no panic - just mild disgust that my body had betrayed me this way. It really is creepy to know that something wild with its own agenda is growing inside you. (And you won't be giving birth to it!)

But mostly I was smiling. Not sleeping well, I spent those three nights on the couch, going through the possibilities. I couldn't come up with a bad outcome, though. Even if it turned out the prognosis was grim, I have had a great life. And absent dying on the table, a quite remote possibility, there would be time to wrap things up in a good way.

So for those first couple of weeks of June, the mundane aspects of life slipped away and we were focused on the important, our relationships. Recently, our pastor, as part of his series on "the family," told a story. A husband, constantly annoyed by his spouse's clutter, considered what his life would be like with a neat house, but no wife. The clutter peeve vanished as he realized how much he cherished her.

The demands of daily life are so pervasive we usually forget to cherish each other. You get a reminder every now and then - the birth of a first baby or a child's wedding, for examples - that loving each other is what it's all about, and little else matters.

I am pleased to report that our wake-up call is still working. We have replaced thoughtlessness and indifference with an active thoughtfulness. I can misplace keys every single day and it's okay. He just grins and goes on (after finding the keys, of course.) He thanks me when I follow up timely on medical procedures, and I choose to do so because I know it relieves his anxiety. We are more considerate of each other's schedules. We are seeking ways to spend more time together.

The scars and pain of recovery are a small price to pay for this renewed sense of purpose and optimism. It has been a very good year.

We're all fans

Photo credit: Lindsay Goodreau

Resolving conflicts

It's Friday night in October, the last home football game of the year. Senior parents get introduced before the game. The team will clinch a playoff berth with a victory. The band's half time performance is its warmup for the competition on Saturday which should send the band to the Texas state finals in ten days.

It's Friday night in October and fall storms are popping up around the area. A rain shower has already wet the stadium.

It's Friday night in October and the Texas Rangers are still playing baseball. Game six of the American Championship League Series is starting just a few miles south, our team one victory away from its first ever thrashing of the dreaded Yankees.

Families head to the football stadium toting towels and umbrellas. The stands fill up nearly as usual, even with the iffy weather. But look around and cell phones are everywhere, tuned in to ESPN game tracker. Ricky texts Wiley to let him know the Rangers are up 1-0, then tied 1-1.

The Rangers have a breakout inning as halftime starts. The stands are murmuring during the band's  show, passing the baseball news up and down the aisles, but you can't be annoyed. It is all too wonderful. The stadium announcer lets everyone in the crowd know the home team, the team that has never won anything, is up 6-1.

By the end of the third quarter, the high school game is well in hand. The halftime only spectators are long gone. We hustle out, we've paid our dues of support to the kids, and catch the ending of the big game back in our living room.

What a great Friday night!

Just wait 'till your father gets home......

Four days to go to the last deadline of the year.

Taking a short break last night with the dogs in the back yard, I stepped in fresh poo.

Left my office for a few moments this morning and came back to a cat's hairball on my desk.

Just now took the dogs for a brief walk to stretch my legs.

Returning to the front yard and taking a few extra moments of autumn sunshine, Krista got mad for some very good dog reason and started a fight, a war, really. Fortunately they each weigh less than twenty pounds, were on leashes and I was wearing jeans instead of shorts.

Now Krista is in her crate. Winston is in his crate. I'm back at the computer with an ice pack on my knee.

No more work breaks for me.

Fashion Statement

Check out the shoes. And now that it's fall, and they keep the school building so cold, he even has toe socks that go with.

A True Story

In the spring of 1995 my grandma died. A few days after the funeral my dad and mom, three of my dad's four sisters and their spouses gathered at their mother's senior citizen apartment to sort through her lifetime accumulation.

My grandma lived into her eighties and had a number of hobbies and interests. There were many items to reminisce over.

In among the bathroom towels, they found an unidentifiable object. It was perfectly round and smooth, looked like it was made of metal and had a large safety pin sticking in it. The consensus was that it was some sort of hot potato game kept around to entertain grandchildren (and great-grandchildren.)

One of the sisters tossed the game to my dad. "Here. You're the smart one. You figure it out."

My dad looked at it, turned it over in his hands, and pulled the safety pin out.

Orange smoke started fizzing out of the ball. Dad knew he was in trouble and ran toward the front door. He made it three steps before the ball exploded, covering the living room and everyone in it with a film of yellow and orange.

The concussion was powerful. Dad's palm and thumb were bruised so badly that blood oozed out the back of his hand. His stomach was peppered with fragments. His smart aleck sister Gwonda, who had tossed it to him, was bleeding from the face and neck. Everyone in the room was gagging and blinded.

Fortunately, two of the brothers-in-law were outside loading stuff when the bomb went off. My dad, mom and Dad's sister Jean piled into one car with Jean's husband Ted driving and Vadie, Gwonda and Gwonda's husband Lee made it to Vadie and Bob's car.

Heading to the hospital, my Uncle Ted was affected just by being in the car with them. He had to drive with his head hanging out the window, straining to see the center line. The other siblings took turns opening their eyes at intersections to yell out "red" or "green, go, go!" On the way to the hospital they drove past my cousin at work, who had never seen his dad drive so fast.

Arriving at the hospital they poured into the emergency room. Not for long. Soon the emergency room personnel were wheezing and coughing and had to shoo everyone outside, my dad and aunt on guerneys. Stripped and rinsed off by nurses and doctors in outside portable showers, the brothers and sisters could finally see again. My dad and aunt took a few weeks to recover from their wounds, but there were no serious injuries.

Everyone ended up in hospital scrubs, their own clothes ruined. Hospital staff wanted to burn the clothes, but couldn't because of the wallets, cash and other personal items. Back at Ted and Jean's house a few hours later, they set the bags of clothes on the lawn. The lingering fumes seeping through the plastic were still so strong it quickly killed the surrounding grass.

Lee, Gwonda, Vadie, Jo, Ted(dy Mac), Jean

So what the heck happened at their mother's apartment?

The bomb squad from nearby Fort Sill ended up calling in experts from Oklahoma City to determine that my dad had pulled the pin on a Korean War era tear gas grenade. Found in my grandma's apartment in small town Oklahoma. Nestled in the bathroom towels.


It turns out several of the grandchildren, now grown, remembered playing with the grenade. But Grandpa had told them not to pull the pin out. He had bought it at an Army surplus store, intending to set it off underneath the house to kill the bugs and spiders. For some reason he changed his mind. Wow. 


There are several lessons here.


First......
Boys will be boys. This seems to be a recurring theme among my posts. My grandpa was probably in his fifties when he bought the grenade. I'm sure he enjoyed telling his friends about it. And I expect he intended to use it eventually, because explosions are fun.


Second.........
Husbands should give their wives all the facts. Something tells me Grandma did not know she had a live grenade in her home. Keep in mind that Grandpa died twenty years earlier, so the grenade had been around for decades. He had told her it was important and to be careful. She carefully moved it from home to home and room to room. So men, even when you know it conflicts with the first corollary above, admit when you have something around that is dangerous.


Third..........
Do not think of your parents naked and in an outdoor shower.


And, finally (this is for you, Dad)...........


Find the instruction manual before you pull the pin. 

The (other) dog ate my homework

How quickly we forget, or block, those inconvenient memories.

Our six month old puppy is a chewing fiend these days. His adult teeth erupted at once a couple of weeks ago. They're all in, but he still thinks he's teething.

He has shredded his bed, the wall, three leashes and his toys. He would shred his sister if she didn't bite him on the legs. All for love, of course.

This evening Ricky gave Winston a new toy - a stuffingless snake with three squeakers inside, guaranteed indestructible. The squeakers would continue working even when punctured. Winston loved the new toy. Note the past tense. It took Winston about ten minutes to chew through the snake and pull out the first squeaker. The squeakers do not work once their ends are chewed off.

Watching "The Amazing Race," we left him in the kitchen to destroy the rest of the snake. I should have paid attention to the cessation of sound. Going to check on him, the snake, minus the second squeaker, had fallen over the gate. He was happily occupied eating the workbook from our Dave Ramsey financial class.

(The snake and the 2nd squeaker is re-placed in this picture.)

I made the mistake of setting the book on the kitchen desk. Winston can reach the kitchen desk. I have been warned. Perhaps Winston was concerned we might start cutting back on doggie treats while following Dave Ramsey's plan to become debt free.

Don't ya' love me?

Whew!

What I've done since September 8........

Helped my daughter celebrate her 25th birthday, with a trip to the jewelry store to pick out charms to replace those she lost along with a bracelet her friends gave her when she finished chemotherapy nine years ago. That makes for a great celebration, along with (Ricky) making her a traditional Balthrop birthday cake - a yellow cake with cooked fudge icing. We sent her home with the cake intact, much to Wiley's complaint.

Garrett, Wiley & Lindsay (Garrett helped give the original charm bracelet.)

Open house at the high school - checking on Wiley's teachers, grades and behavior. His history teacher returned to me the toy airplane confiscated earlier in the day. Sigh. Boys.

Met my 6th grade boyfriend, my first kiss, for coffee during his two hour layover at DFW airport. We only knew each other for that one school year. I found out he really liked me when he gave me a fancy Valentine's Day card signed "Love, Robert." We corresponded - with snail mail - through college. He spent the night in our Chicago apartment one time when he was passing through. (On a cross country motorcycle trip, he stopped in the south side of Chicago to call us and ask for directions. It's a wonder he's still alive.) Bottom line - hadn't seen him in about thirty years. That was fun. I am old.

Attended two high school football games - we won both games and the band did great.

Kept up with America's Got Talent. I only missed voting on one episode. I'll defer further discussion until I've been to the AGT Live Show on October 13. I can't wait - singers, dancers, magicians, illusionists, daredevils and acrobats, oh, my!

Watched Wiley play soccer.

Started our symphony season ticket series. We used to do that, pre-kids. It's been a while.

Finished my September 15th work. September 15 is a big deadline - the final deadline for corporate, partnership and trust returns. I'm averaging 70 hours a week September through October 15, the final deadline for individual tax returns.

Had my first official colon follow up. Not much to it - I just needed advice on how to deal with the rumbling and grumbling. We're trying some different things, but the bottom line is that recovery takes TIME.

GOT A HAIRCUT!

Closed on our house refinance, dropping from 5.375% to 3.75%. That will help us be done with the whole thing in just a few more years.

Worked around the clock the last six days finishing up (an hour ago) the tax returns for an individual client who is running for Governor. So sometime in the next couple of days his tax returns are going on a public website.....with my name on them. Talk about pressure! He is someone I really admire, but unfortunately can't vote for, as he does not live here in God's country.

About God's country - went to the high school homecoming parade.

Met as part of a newly organized financial management team that is going to work with high net worth clients. It required some preparation, but all in all went well. I wondered what I could possibly add, but when you live long enough, you just end up knowing stuff that other people don't know. And I've also learned that if you speak clearly, others assume you know what you are talking about! I am used to high profile work, but it's usually done anonymously from the comfort of my home office. I actually had to bring the suit out of the closet this time.

Went to my daughter's in-laws' anniversary dinner across town.

Had a CT scan with contrast dye to make sure there are no cooties. And I thought I'd already had every test run. I knew I was in trouble when, at scheduling, they started asking me if I liked apples or bananas or berries. Try none of the above. They found a mocha flavored barium cocktail that I drank the night before, then again the morning of the scan. $650 later, I'm waiting on the test results.

The worst part, besides lack of sleep, is being on a reading kick with Ricky. We're reading through the same series of futuristic murder mysteries - crime solving by a sexy, rich and talented married couple. He's one book ahead. So lots of justification going on between us. The house is a wreck, meals are spotty, work is on the edge - but we're living it up vicariously.

And no, this is not me and Ricky.

10 Two-letter Words

Feeling sorry for yourself? Wanting some of the handouts others seem to get?

If It Is To Be,

It Is Up To Me.

- Paul LePage, Candidate for Governor of Maine.

For a little personal motivation, check out the short video of his life story on his campaign website.

I think I'll put the pedal down and get my September 15th work done without complaint.

Converted

Brian stopped by today to pick up a few things and get a haircut - going from the "hawk" look to a number two buzz. As I cut his hair on the back porch, the dogs chased each other. Brian is still amazed that we have not just one, but two family dogs.

I snootily preferred cats over dogs for decades. I was woefully misinformed.

Our cats lounge around, tear stuff up when no one's looking and take over entire rooms. They only come around us when they want something or it's the middle of the night and they need to check in.

Our dogs play. They prefer to play with one of us. Next best is playing with each other knowing we are watching. Right now they are having a blast playing in the rainy back yard while Ricky is home base on the patio. They want to be with us or asleep. And they sleep in their beds.

Teenagers vs. toddlers.

Enough said.

Easy come, easy go

Lately, more people have been asking how I'm doing.

It has been three months since my colon surgery. It is fair to say I have made a complete recovery.

That doesn't mean there aren't one or two lingering "issues," some of which may linger for the foreseeable future, perhaps the rest of my life.

According to my surgeon, cut upon colons stay a little cranky, and mine certainly is no exception. The silver lining is that I can permanently retire the bathroom plunger.

I can live with that.

(And if you haven't scheduled your colonoscopy yet, what are you waiting for, my friends?)